My Darling… Would you Join My HMO?

We’ve all heard of “shotgun weddings,” but here in the USofA, our first-rate, employment-based private insurance system has led to a whole new form of marriage-the “stethoscope” wedding.

The writer of this CNN article lays out why she found herself becoming a “Mrs.” I will say that this is indeed an act of love, and I will personally vouch that it isn’t an unusual catalyst; my own worries about a red-headed girl’s health was a factor in my own mind for moving up our wedding date (and I’ve never told her that, and I expect you to STFU as well 🙂 ) In my own case, I’d definitely have done it anyway, but I have to wonder…. how many people are doing this PRIMARILY because our system sucks so bad? How many of them will wind up divorced later?

And isn’t it a damned obscenity that gay people cannot do this for a loved one in most states?

I’d never been one of those girls who’d dreamt about her perfect wedding. The white wedding dress, the exorbitant costs, the fuss over a big, shiny rock — none of it ever appealed to me.

I wanted to find a lifelong partner, and a family sounded nice, too, but honestly? I never cared much about that piece of paper.

So why did I just marry my boyfriend after pondering it for a mere two hours? One reason: health insurance.

My now-husband is a bartender and a student whose school’s insurance is exorbitant. The man hadn’t gone to the doctor in years, living in fear of a major accident or illness.

We had lived together for about eight months when I got a job as a reporter for a newspaper with a kick-ass medical plan. According to my job, a domestic partnership affidavit was standing in the way of my partner having awesome coverage and escaping $8000 worth of retroactive hospital bills. It was a no-brainer. Onto domestic partnership!

Problem is, the state of Illinois doesn’t let you get domestic partnership if you’re hetero. (“If they could, no one would get married!” the City Hall employee informed me smugly, as if 1) that fact was actually true and 2) rampant domestic partnerships would mean the end of the world.)

Apparently you can’t be a part of the “system” if you’re queer, and you can’t opt out of the “system” if you’re straight. It started to seem so ridiculously arbitrary — and unfair! Did I really have to choose between leaving my honey vulnerable to unthinkable medical costs and a measly $50 certificate?

The choice was clear. We went ahead and got married. The weird thing wasn’t the actual City Hall wedding (it was actually sort of fun!), it was watching people react to the news. Some were angry — “How could you have gotten married without me there?” my best friend implored, crushed. Others were confused –“Really, Nona? I thought you weren’t into that sorta stuff.”

Yep. I heard this and more. One of my co-workers was absolutely stunned that I got married “so fast.” TOO stunned. I was sort of glad to leave that job for another one, if you know what I mean.

The healthcare “reform” being shopped now only kinda-sorta addresses this. Health insurance does not belong on the employer, and the worst mistake we’ve made is to not try to decouple it. Americans are anything but free to pursue their happiness, as doing that can leave you vulnerable to bankruptcy, or even death.

Or looking to get hitched.