By- Suzie-Q @ 12:30 PM MST
236.com: The News Only Funnier | August 2, 2008 11:18 AM
Cindy Lou Hensley McCain (born Cindy Lou Hensley on May 20, 1954) is the wife of U.S. Senator, ill-fated presidential candidate, elderly curmudgeon, and dick John McCain. She, herself, is a multi-millionaire, pill-popper–a combination sometimes referred to as a “pillionaire”–and an excellent example of why people should stop after one facelift, two max. She is also a dick.
As a potential though seriously long shot First Lady, anything and everything about Cindy McCain will be seized upon and exaggerated by the media. Like her hideously plastic appearance. And the period of her life she spent zonked out on Percocet. And that she obviously has a fetish for old balls.
McCain is chair of Hensley & Co., one of the largest Anheuser-Busch beer distributors in the nation. Essentially, this makes her a legalized drug kingpin. Of course, better that than ketchup czar, but still.
Cindy McCain wishes she were Michelle Obama so bad, it gives her sweater bullets just thinking about it.