By- Bob Cesca
Larry the Cable Guy isn’t, you know, an actual cable guy. The reality is that he’s not a blue collar redneck either. The hooplehead accent is fake, and his name isn’t Larry. He’s just a normal stand-up comic named Dan Whitney who, before the ascension of George W. Bush and redneck chic in America, spoke in a non-specific American accent and wore non-redneck clothing.
But a lot of people believe Larry is genuine. Why wouldn’t they? When he’s in a movie, he’s credited as “Larry the Cable Guy,” and, in some sort of freaky Mark Wahlberg playing Eddie Adams playing Dirk Diggler playing Brock Landers meta-performance, Dan Whitney actually plays Larry the Cable Guy playing various movie character roles. For example, in Witless Protection, Dan Whitney plays Larry the Cable Guy playing Deputy Larry Stalder. Now sure, he’s made a nice career for himself and I don’t mean to begrudge him for his success, but it’s all pretty creepy, no?
Fortunately for America, Larry or Dan or whoever isn’t running for president. At least, not this time.
Be it Larry the Cable Guy or his Ohio cousin, Joe the Plumber, or their political and spiritual leader, Bushie the Commander Guy, or their newly discovered co-star Sarah the Hockey Mom, it should be obvious to anyone watching that the Republicans have been engaging in a seemingly endless game of dress up, and pretending to be something they’re clearly not.
Larry the Cable Guy Politics.
As we’ve all observed today with the news of Sarah Palin’s $150,000 wardrobe — purchased, I hasten to underscore, from stores based in the “anti-American” areas of the nation — the Republican “Joe Sixpack” flimflam appears to be crashing and burning faster than McCain’s poll numbers.
For the last eight years, we’ve observed in shocked horror as President Bush — this elite child of limitless family wealth — this pampered, bubble-boy cheerleader — marched around the world stage pretending to be some kind of shit-kicking cowpoke. His so-called Texas ranch, a strategically-timed purchase just prior to the launch of his 2000 presidential campaign, isn’t any more authentically “cowboy” than the invisible six-shooters he pretends to wear on his gigantic belt, making his arms dangle outwards in some sort of ridiculous Yosemite Sam “Draw!” pose. The Crawford ranch is, in fact, a multi-million-dollar estate on which he once shared a 16 mile bike ride with Lance Armstrong without ever leaving the boundaries of his property.
Meanwhile, most of us own houses that cost less than two months worth of Sarah Palin outfits. Lee Stranahan posted another spot-on video today in which he notes that $150,000 is enough to buy 50 snowmachines, 2,500 hockey sticks and over 20,000 six-packs. It’s more money, Lee reports, than the average American family spends on clothes over a span of 80 years.
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